Recently I had someone tell me, “In your newsletter, you present your life as perfect and your family as idyllic.” I can’t imagine that person has been a regular reader, but hearing that made me feel sheepish and uncomfortable all the same. I don’t want to be disingenuous with what I write. At all. In fact, my personal notes in each newsletter come from my blog which is part of the legacy I’m preserving for my children, and honesty is an integral part of that legacy. I believe in real, true relationships with my children – and my clients. The only way that works is if there’s complete honesty and integrity on each side.
So let me be frank. Being a husband is hard. Being a father is hard. The reality is, those are the two biggest challenges of my life. By far. I do write about much of the success I feel in those roles because of the incredible depth of joy I experience both as a husband and as a father. Absolutely. However I also try to write about my struggles and failures in each role, too. Because they are just as real as the joy, happen just as often (if not more so), and they are just as important. Without them I would not have the opportunity for growth.
To tell you the truth, I rarely know what I’m going to write about before I sit down at the computer. My heart just sort of guides my fingers and then there it is. And even when I think I know what I’m going to write about beforehand, I often turn out wrong. I don’t try to hide anything. I do probably tend to focus more on the positive than the negative, both in my blog and in life (besides, you’re not going to keep reading if all I do is whine!) but I certainly don’t try to portray myself as anything other than what I am: an imperfect man who makes lots of mistakes, doesn’t have all the answers (in fact, sometimes I feel as if I don’t have ANY answers), and just improvises as best I can along the way.
My marriage isn’t perfect. Far from it. I am not a perfect father. Not even close. I am an imperfect human being. But it’s my very humanity which my life – and my legacy – is all about. And it’s what YOUR legacy is all about, too. I just had a couple shoot their legacy video last week (legacy videos are a part of every trust plan I offer to clients) and I got a little misty eyed, as I often do during those videos. They opened up their humanity in front of me. It was genuine. It was real. It was powerful. I am awed and inspired by every client who shoots a legacy video for their loved ones. And I really do work with some amazing clients. I learn something from each of them: how they approach their marriages and their spouses, how they lead their families and parent their children.
Newer readers of my blog may not have the full picture. I have been writing for most of this year and I’ve written about my struggles as a father, as a husband, as a human. I’ve also written about my triumphs. I don’t feel the need to spin any of it. The interesting part for me – and I hope the meaningful part for my children – is that I am preserving the micro ebbs and flows of this part of my life. The hardest part of my life. The most amazing part of my life. Drama. Suspense. Romance. Comedy. It has it all. And I really couldn’t ask for a better – and more challenging – role to play.