Cade and Ella are on spring break this week so Yan and I decided to spend at least part of their break on a multi-day family trip to California Adventure and Disneyland. We woke up early Sunday morning and hit the road by 7 am. Arriving at California Adventure before it opened was all part of the plan. And it was worth it. To watch my kids’ barely contained enthusiasm erupt into skipping, jumping and hopping through the park once the gates were opened warmed my soul.

Yan stayed up late the night before, planning our day. To put it plainly, my wife is a logistical magician. We were on a tight schedule which left little room for error. But Yan had it down to a science. No… more of an art, actually. We were zig-zagging through the park at her direction, stepping right onto the rides only to see a long line had suddenly developed by the time we got off. Occasionally she would tell me which ride to take the kids to next and give me a short deadline within which to meet her there before sprinting off to secure fast passes to be beautifully woven into the strategic tapestry of her master design throughout the day.

For those of you who know me, you can probably guess this approach to… well, just about anything… is not in my nature. I am much more of an improviser and a take it as it comes sort of guy. For those of you who know Yan, I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you at all that she had our day planned down to the minute (I kid you not – the minute) or that her maneuvers were as complex in their execution as they were effective in squeezing the absolute most from every single one of those minutes. It was as if all the other park guests were moving in slow motion, little more than static scenery on our warp speed tour through the park.

At the end of the day, we walked to our hotel – right across the street! – and settled in for the night. Cade said he wasn’t feeling well so we got him fed and tucked into bed with Ella while Yan went to work crafting the next day’s operations order as I rubbed her tired feet. But Cade wasn’t kidding. Soon he bolted upright and began throwing up on his bed. Yan sprang out of our bed and got behind him (she’s obviously the pro here). I jumped up, grabbed the nearest container – which happened to be a cup – and came around in front of Cade (amateur move on all levels there). Just as the panic set in that my little cup was filling up way too fast, things went from bad to worse. Cade began projectile vomiting.

I can only guess that the level of Newtonian force aimed directly at me was some kind of scientific record. And I must admit, there was a brief period of time when I wasn’t sure if I would stand my ground or break and run. But I’m proud to report that my sense of fatherly-duty somehow prevailed over my sense of self-preservation and I held my position even with all hell breaking lose around – and on – me. The aftermath wasn’t pretty but I had seen the elephant, withstood the test of fire, and although a long shower was called for, at least I was able to towel off afterward with my parental honor still intact.

Cade was feeling fine by the next morning and begged us not the cancel the rest of the trip. So off to Disneyland we went. I wasn’t sure just how much of Sunday’s logistical magic was luck, but yesterday erased any doubts I may have had about Yan’s prowess in amusement park supremacy and ultimate Disney dominance. And I think my favorite thing of all was when Yan announced to me that she had scheduled in some “free time” for us between 1:33 pm to 3:04 pm. Imagine, free time at an amusement park. Hilarious!

The only glitch came at the electric light parade when the adults my kids had squeezed in front of told Cade and Ella they were only allowed to stand behind them, not in front of them, because all the space in front of them was “reserved” to avoid congestion and/or an obstructed view. Now, I’ve got to pause and say here, while I don’t really understand adults who go to Disneyland without kids, I certainly don’t judge or resent them. And I know there are plenty of people who do just that. But it’s not something I get. If it weren’t for my kids, I wouldn’t be fighting those crowds, spending that money, and standing in line after line after line. No thanks. But fine. To each his own. What I absolutely can’t understand, however, is any adult telling a child to get behind them during a parade. I mean, really?!

But I digress. Suffice it to say, Yan’s plans didn’t account for these few bad apples who somehow mistook Disneyland for a kid free zone, but it did give me a chance to be more than just the “carrier of tired children and other heavy things” and use my improv skills to politely – or at least more politely than they deserved – remind those grinches what Disneyland is all about and in so doing, ensure my kids had an opportunity to see and enjoy the parade (which, by the way, did not in any way affect those other people’s opportunity to see the parade since my kids were barely 4 feet tall – that’s a fact; I’d seen them being measured all day long).

So at just under 20 miles and just north of 40,000 steps later (thank you, Fitbit, for that morsel of information) we headed back home after a two-day, physically demanding, emotionally rewarding, and don’t forget biologically trying, family trip to the happiest place on earth. We made so many great new memories with Cade and Ella and I got to marvel at my wife doing things supercomputers can only aspire to accomplish. Being a family man can sure be exhausting and sometimes even gross, but man oh man am I glad this is my life.

The political conventions are behind us and we officially have our two major party candidates for the presidential election this November. Do you know how the outcome might affect your estate plan? Trump’s current proposal is to eliminate the federal estate and gift taxes altogether. Clinton’s current proposal, on the opposite end of the spectrum, isn’t very detailed but would appear to dramatically decrease the current gift and estate tax exemptions, eliminate the yearly adjustment for inflation, and significantly increase the gift and estate tax rates.

What does this mean? If either proposal becomes law there will be substantial impacts to estate plans everywhere. The effect of Trump’s proposal would be to limit the tax benefits of certain irrevocable trusts and grantor-retained annuity trusts, while the effect of Clinton’s proposal would be an increased tax burden on millions of Americans which would necessitate the implementation of advanced estate planning strategies on their behalves. You should know the facts about how each candidate would like to change the estate planning landscape, but in no way should this be interpreted as my endorsement of one over the other. This is far from the only issue in play.

I am going to delve into this even deeper, though, at the risk of offending “polite company” because although this blog is a means for me to communicate with my circles, I am always conscious that it will be a big part of the legacy I leave my children. I believe in being real with you, and I want Cade and Ella to know the real me– what I was thinking, feeling, experiencing during the events of my life. So I’m going to dare to attempt to illuminate what’s going on inside of me during this presidential campaign of 2016. If that makes you uncomfortable or you feel it is simply not polite to talk politics, stop reading now. Otherwise…

I have always voted for the person, not the party. I am proudly independent and base my vote on who I think would be best for the country. Period. I have, in fact, voted for republicans, democrats, and even third party candidate before based on that principle. Yan tells me a vote for a third party candidate is just throwing my vote away. But as someone who spent time in the army, ready and willing to lay down my life for our constitution, I believe the only vote thrown away is the one not cast. So I will be casting a vote… for someone. But I’m having a hard time getting comfortable voting for either Trump or Clinton. Like many Americans, I see deep character flaws in each of them and little evidence either of them is worthy of the privilege, honor, and responsibility of leading this great country of ours.

This is an incredibly important election, however, so perhaps I should just cast my vote based on the issues. I am very much in favor of marriage equality for anybody and everybody (or perhaps to put it better, I’m simply in favor of equality for everyone). This one issue would seem to push me to vote democratic as the republican party wants to continue telling people how and who to love. On the other hand, I believe the current administration’s foreign policies – endorsed and/or engineered by Clinton – have dangerously weakened America. So that issue pushes back toward the republicans who I believe have a stronger approach to those who would destroy us. In fact, the issues most important to me are pretty evenly split between the republican and democratic platforms (probably why I’m independent).

I have not been this perplexed about an election, ever. I look at my children and I feel the weight of my decision. Just like all parents, my children’s future drives me. I know the decisions we make today will either make things better for our children tomorrow or leave them with an even bigger mess to clean up. I want them to reap rewards rather than having to pay a price for being the generation which follows us. I know you do, too. And many, many brave souls have sacrificed everything to ensure we have a voice in what kind of future we leave for our children.

So I know I will be voting, even if I don’t yet know for whom. And I will have my kids with me when I do, just as always, so they can see democracy in action, close up and personal. I will tell them, just as I always do, why it is so important to participate in the process. And I will talk to them about the issues in this particular election, too, so they can begin thinking about and forming their own political views – and I don’t really care if those views are in line with mine or not, as long as they’re thinking for themselves.

This weekend was busy, as usual, but really great, too. It started off with Yan and me picking the kids up from Camp Shi’ini during their lunch break, dropping Ella off in Silver Lake to have a sleep over with her cousin, Erin, and then heading down to San Diego. First of all, the days of the 2-hour drive to San Diego appear to be over. It took us twice that long to get down there Friday afternoon (and almost as long again coming back Saturday afternoon). But once we arrived – Cade and I for an overnight adventure on the USS Midway with his cub scout pack and Yan for an overnight adventure at a Gas Lamp District hotel with some of the other cub scout moms – the fun really got going.

We went aboard the giant aircraft carrier after it had closed to the general public for the day. We were given a safety briefing and orientation, and extensive “behind the scenes” tours into areas of the ship we weren’t allowed to go into when Cade, his grandfather, and I spent a day on the ship a year or so ago. The tour guides were mostly retired or active duty service members – many of whom had served on the Midway – and full of knowledge and stories. For dinner we went through the chow line on the mess deck. We then got to explore the ship on our own for a bit before settling in to the enlisted men’s berths (much like coffins stacked one on top of each other) for a short, claustrophobic night’s sleep.

Reveille sounded at 6 am promptly followed by breakfast (more navy chow – not quite the mimosas and omelet station I just knew Yan was enjoying). We toured even more of the ship and then got into the flight simulator to experience a dogfight. Cade and I were together and worked as a team, one of us as pilot and the other as gunner. We were shot down multiple times without ever bringing down one of the bad guys. But after being tossed around, turned upside down, and shaken up for three or four minutes in the simulator, we were both ready and willing to give someone else a try.

After reassembling the family back in LA Saturday night, I was able to get a good night sleep. Sunday Yan and I dropped the kids off at Kids Club so we could spent the day cleaning and touch-up painting one of our units in Echo Park in order to turn the keys over to a new tenant that afternoon. It was hard but satisfying work and we were both really impressed with how great the apartment looked when we were done with it. We walked down the street for dinner and drinks at The Holloway (just in case we needed to be reminded we were the least hip people in Echo Park last evening) before picking up the kids and heading home.

I loved my experience on the Midway with Cade. The slogan the cadre kept repeating to the scouts was, “freedom isn’t free” and I believe that’s an important lesson, even for youngsters. Cade had a great time and I hope it’s a memory he’ll cherish, as I certainly will. Then I loved working on that apartment with Yan. What we’ve built – and are continuing to build – together amazes me. We’ve both said creating our small portfolio of income properties is probably something neither of us would have tackled on our own, but through each other and with each other we’ve done it. As investments go, we feel like we’ve got something special which will become part of the legacy we leave for our children… as will memories of an overnight outing on one of the most powerful warships of its day… as will everything else we do with and for each other as a family. And that’s really what it’s all about.

My wife’s paternal grandmother died last week and the funeral was held Friday. The funeral director conducted the service in Chinese so I didn’t understand much of what was being said, but there were obvious similarities – as well as striking differences – when compared to the traditional “western style” funerals I’m more familiar with.

First, the similarities. Black is the color of choice for those attending the funeral. There is a formal viewing (though it takes place in groups based on relationship to the decedent). There is a separate funeral, funeral procession, and graveside service. It is a time of mourning and sadness, and an opportunity to show respects and say goodbyes.

The stark differences between a Chinese funeral and its western counterpart are fascinating, as are most of the differences between the cultures. In a general sense, I would describe a Chinese funeral as, “lots of bowing, lots of chanting, lots of ritual.” The funeral director led the intricate, formal procedures with the deft hand of an orchestra conductor. There was lots of choreography going on throughout, with various groupings of descendants standing up, sitting down, lighting incense, and bowing (lots and lots of bowing), all at any given time.

Spiritualism was mixed with materialism as we were each told to pick up and hold play money, fake gold and jewelry, model houses and cars, replica cell phones, and even dolls representing servants as we bowed before the casket. Then we were marched outside to burn all these items – in a very specific order – in a huge fire as is custom, to send off the departed with tokens of wealth. Tradition holds that items burned at the funeral (and also at the annual day of the dead) make their way to the underworld and provide comfort and status to the burners’ departed ancestors.

As intellectually interesting as I found the whole affair, it still had a very real, human impact for me, too. Yan’s grandmother did not speak English so I would always say hello to her and attempt a bit of chit chat in my broken Chinese at family gatherings. She never ceased to be tickled by my efforts and so we related to each other in a light, playful manner which I will miss. And I felt the grief barely contained in my normally stoic father-in-law. When I offered him my condolences at the funeral he gave me an awkward sort of half-hug which came from genuine vulnerability. And from a man who does not publicly show affection to anyone outside of his grandchildren, it was easily the most intimate connection we’ve ever shared.

It was also my children’s first experience with the death of someone they knew. It was an up close and personal, literal, front row seat to the circle of life. They asked lots of questions, some of which I wasn’t able to answer. But I hope I was able to help give them some level of comfort with, and take away some of their fear of, the concept of death.